We can sing and dance around a topic, trying to avoid expressing a judgement, still, whatever we say after the word “but” is our real message.
Have you ever noticed how peoples voices even change right before they get to what they want to say, bust before the “but” appears? The words drag out a little, they trail off, and you know the next word out of their mouth will be “but”. Well, you can pretty much discount everything said before “but”, and go right to the meat of the message.
Why is it important to recognize this? Certainly not so you can discredit what someone else is saying, rather to focus on what the message really is without being swayed or mislead by the gentle introduction. AND, as you become aware of this vocal cue, you can find ways to present what you want to say without resorting to smoke and mirrors before you get there. This will demand of you to make certain your words of “review” will be helpful, supportive and accurate before you open your mouth, and couldn’t we ALL benefit from that!
Becoming aware of why we react to others statements or suggestions as we do will be helpful in instituting this new way of speaking, so you will find some help you may be seeking in my second book It’s All About Me, the involved observer, now available exclusively through Amazon.com. Give it a read and see if it helps.